The other week I parked my car in an almost empty lot. I went into the store I was going into and came out 10 minutes later. In that time, only one more car had parked in the lot...right beside me...and was very close to the line. I thought to myself, "What the hell is this? Does this person not know proper parking etiquette?" and it got me thinking about what else we keep in our mind as unwritten rules. So here's a list of some rules to live by that won't make others fly off into a quiet rage, pulling the heads off of Barbie dolls while humming "Hanuna Matata".
1. If a parking lot is empty, there's no need to park next to the only other car.
2. Whether it's a toilet or a urinal, always leave at least one space between you and the next person unless there's no other choice.
3. Don't overcrowd the elevator. This will only lead to someone in the far back of the elevator needing to get off on the very next floor.
4. It is okay for a full theatre of people to go all "Lord of the Flies" on someone who hasn't shut off their laptop during either the trailers or the movie.
5. It's not okay to yell at people to keep it down before 10pm.
6. Don't call after 10pm or before 8am unless it's an emergency or you know they're awake; but you can text anytime.
7. When on a bus or other mass transit system, do not stand by the door and avoid other peoples space as much as possible.
8. The person next to you on the bus does not want to have a conversation with you. This is doubly true if they're wearing headphones.
9. Wear white after labour day. Nobody gives a shit about that anymore.
10. If someone has invited you over for a dinner, bring something as a gift. That's just polite.
11. Always offer to help clean up (dishes, bottles, bodies, whatever).
12. Always tell new parents that their newborn is cute, no matter how cone-headed or ugly that thing actually is.
13. Wait for everyone at the table to get their food before you begin to eat. Buttering a bun is acceptable though.
14. If you know a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
15. On a road trip, the person in the passenger seat has 2 jobs: Navigation and feeding the driver.
16. Unless you're in prison, there's no reason to fight naked.
17. Do not talk to others in the bathroom unless you're both waiting in line to use that bathroom.
18. If you ask a girl what she wants for x-mas and she says "If you loved me, you'd know what I would want." gets either a Playstation or an X-box.
19. Never fart in the elevator...unless you're at your floor.
20. Never look at another man when using the urinal.
21. Never embarass a guy in front of a girl.
22. If you and some friends get a couple pitchers of beer, pour for yourself last.
23. Don't be a sore loser.
24. Don't be a bad winner.
25. Don't budge in line. This goes for any kind of line, even if you're in your car.
That's about it for now. Stay classy and I'll write more in this upcoming year than I did this past year.
